The Guilt of Grief

Guilt has got to go! There are few things in grief that are more difficult to deal with than guilt.

Whether it’s survivor’s guilt syndrome in general, or specific incidences regarding our loved ones passing—or both—the effects can be devastating.

Vicious accusations of our imagined failings send us reeling. They break our hearts with vivid depictions in astonishing detail of what we could have done, should have done, or didn’t do. They come to us unbidden with exasperating frequency. They invade our psyche. 

What can we do? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Understand the source of the guilt. It is not from God. God never conveys a message of guilt or condemnation. By contrast, our enemy is well-practiced in accusation. He will always take the opportunity to attack the vulnerable and he is a proven liar.
  • Acknowledge our humanity. We are infinite human beings who live in a finite world. We are flawed individuals who make mistakes and who sin and miss the mark continually. To assume that we have or have ever had control over the inevitable is erroneous. Our loved one’s time of death was not up to us.
  • Address the accusations. Don’t allow them to go unchallenged. Combat the accusations with the Word. Follow Jesus’ example. He did not remain silent when tempted by satan, but instead countered the half-truths with the truth. 
  • Decide once and for all whose version of truth you will accept. There is always a counterfeit to the authentic truth. Although we may feel guilty, the truth is that grace and peace are ours to claim. Find out what the Word says about the situation and believe it, even when thoughts and feelings say (or scream) otherwise. 
  • Forgive ourselves. I know of what I’m speaking. I insisted that my daughter get her driver’s license when she was reluctant to do so. She lost her life in a car accident. I had to forgive myself in order to move forward. 

Yes, it may be true that we made mistakes. There may be factors surrounding our loved one’s deaths that we can assign blame to, including ourselves. But the reality is, we are forbidden to live in the past. The greatest faith of all is demonstrated by individuals who trust God to enable them to move forward. 

Guilt just hits the brakes.

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