Me First

Are we doing our best to protect the dignity of our elderly? Or have we forgotten to hold these precious members of our communities in our esteem. If so, may God forgive us, for one day we will all be numbered among them.

When I was a caregiver of an elderly parent, I experienced firsthand the prejudice our society exhibits against the elderly and also against the infirm. This reality was underscored during an incident that occurred at a local drugstore.

My mother’s greatest enjoyment, and in her advanced years her only pleasure, was to go shopping. She budgeted carefully because of her fixed income.

Several years ago, we were in line at the drugstore working with the clerk on a refund issue. My mother, who checked her sales slips religiously, had noticed a $3 overcharge on four cans of soup and was adamant about obtaining a refund, citing a point of principle—an important raison d’être for members of her generation.

The befuddled clerk was having difficulty completing the transaction, which involved a coupon, a shelf check, a re-scan of the product and a call to the manager, and the line grew long behind us.

Just as the manager arrived to open another line, a little boy approached us, extended his hand proffering two crumpled one-dollar bills, and stated, “My dad said to give you this.” Juggling two handbags, the soup cans, a receipt, and a pair of my mother’s sunglasses, I could not have accepted the money if I’d wanted to. Nor would I have done, for I saw in a moment the intention; we were obviously being paid to get out of the way.

In the past, I had offered to give my parent the difference created by a sales slip discrepancy in order to spare her the inconvenience of enduring all the rigmarole. This tactic backfired at first attempt, for in effect, it robbed her of what she needed the most, the dignity of being in control of her own affairs. I knew better than to try that twice. 

Did the parent of that little boy think we were selfish, or cheap or oblivious to the other patrons? Indeed, the impatience surrounding us was palpable. Yet, of all those waiting in line, this parent alone made the decision to place his wants over the needs of someone quite evidently more disadvantaged and vulnerable than he. 

Whether sending his little boy on a man’s errand was an act of cowardice or one of puerile manipulation made no difference. The intent was to get us out of his way and the effect was both belittling and humiliating.

Poor little fellow. I looked at him and felt only pity. I knew that protestations, naming salient points, or disapprobation would only add to his discomfort. I said, “No thank you, honey,” and shot the dad a look of undisguised incredulity. 

The father’s actions sent all the wrong signals. No one was more important than he. Time was of the utmost essence. Patience was unnecessary, and the needs of the elderly were far too inconvenient to be tolerated.

Well played, dad. 

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